June 18, 2025

Grantee Partner Spotlight: A Family Affair Living Our Best Life

by Pat Kelly and Stephanie Laster

Ms. Foundation is proud to support our grantee partners, who are at the forefront of organizing and creating solutions that improve people’s lives and bring us closer to achieving a true democracy. The insight and perspective they provide is invaluable. The Q&A below was generated by A Family Affair Living Our Best Life Executive Director Pat Kelly and Program Manager Stephanie Laster.

A Family Affair Living Our Best Life (AFA) is a Black-led organization for HIV+ Black women with a priority focus on women over 50 in the rural South. AFA is committed to meeting the emotional, physical, and spiritual needs of Black women living and impacted by HIV. AFA is a Ms. South grantee partner. 

What brought you to this work?

PK: I was born a Black woman, short, and left-handed — a minority with so many things against me. In 1985 I was diagnosed with HIV, in a time when there was no support in South Carolina. I left and went back home to New York, and then to Connecticut. In 2003, I returned to South Carolina to take care of my aging father, teenage daughter, and intellectually disabled brother. As I returned to care, I realized that not much had changed there since 1985. In Connecticut, I got my hope and life back and I then knew it was my mission to do the same for Black women in my community in South Carolina, where the stigma was so thick. I started a support group for families and anyone who had a loved one wanting more information. I also had a support group just for the children of parents with AIDS. I worked under several organizations, many of which no longer exist. Our name – A Family Affair – is reflective of the reality that if one person is living with this disease, it affects the whole family. 

SL: My personal experience as a Black woman living in a marginalized, underserved southern community brought me to this work. Inaccuracies and misinformation continue to plague my community, which put me and many others at risk unknowingly. First off, I believed I didn’t fit the profile of someone who may be at risk of getting HIV. Secondly, there was a lack of community resources ensuring Black women had access, tools, and information to make informed decisions about their healthcare. Finally, the bedside manner of the people who provide the healthcare we need was insufficient. 

How do you connect/collaborate in your community? Who are your key partners?

PK: In the beginning, I walked around my neighborhood and passed out flyers. I also relied on word of mouth at the clinic. Since then, I’ve partnered with different networks of people living with HIV and have served on several of those networks’ boards. I have personal connections to Rural Women In Action and AIDS Healthcare Foundation through grants that have funded the work we do. We also have connections to AIDS United, Gilead / Emory University, ViiV, and health clinics in my area that serve Black women diagnosed with HIV, along with fraternities and sororities.

SL: I connect with my community by being present. I’m involved in local and national planning bodies as well as as a board of directors member of an agency providing housing for people living with HIV. Because I am who I serve, I participate in events on both sides, as a receiver and a provider. What a privilege it is for me to connect with the community in need as well as to connect with the community creating ways and means to meet said needs.

What are you learning or what are you teaching?

PK: I am learning to be flexible and deal with people where they are. I am learning how to support others without losing my composure. We often talk about how to move forward and be the best you. About how to say no and mean it without explanation. AFA is teaching Black women living with HIV how important behavioral health and self-care is. We use affirmations when we share our experiences. We discuss various health topics, including growing into how to take care of ourselves as we age. We also teach facilitation and leadership skills.

SL: Don’t measure your progress or success by anyone else’s…be like you! As I learn myself, I share with others steps to reclaim their life, by providing programs to reduce internal stigma, isolation, and depression that are directly related to receiving life-changing information. Life is changing every day – how do we continue to embrace the new and move forward? We’re providing non-stigmatizing information to educate and build the self-worth and self-confidence of rural southern Black women to ensure they have the support needed to enhance their quality of life.

Tell us about a recent victory or something you’re proud of.

PK: AFA just completed a book, Affirmations Used by Diamonds* to Thrive. We still need to find additional allies to completely finish the book. I’ve been so thrilled to see all the women who have stayed with us in our weekly Monday sessions over the years and the growth each has experienced personally.

*Diamonds are Black women living with HIV in the Rural south

SL: AFA successfully completed our 5th annual Raising Our Awareness and Representation (ROAR) training program for Black rural southern women 50+ living with HIV in Augusta, GA in November 2024. Seeing the lightbulb turn on in the faces of Black women attending their first gathering with other women living and thriving with HIV was enlightening as well as disheartening to me – we still have so much work to do. In 2024, AFA also created an affirmation book featuring the affirmations our Diamonds submitted that help them get through the day.

What can philanthropy do better and/or how can individuals be helpful allies?

PK: We could use allies on our board to help us grow, and support getting the word out about what we’re doing in the rural south. We could also use knowledge and experience to help us get our book completely together. 

SL: It would be helpful if our allies could provide HIV information at non-healthcare settings. Overall, we need support in dispelling the myth that HIV has gone away, because sadly health disparities continue to show up in Black communities. People are still being diagnosed with HIV, and our allies can and should continue to provide non-stigmatizing information and spaces for people living with HIV to openly feel safe and embraced.

What gives you hope?

PK: I get hope from the Diamonds living and thriving with a chronic disease that many of us were told we were going to die from. I have 39 years under my belt and lots of hope. Each person we work with teaches me hope – we can’t wait, we must take the wheel and get our needs met to thrive.

SL: I get hope from seeing the Dandelions (people born with HIV) living, thriving, and having children of their own. I’m hopeful watching younger people get involved, taking their advocacy to social media to educate and reduce stigma.